How Hard Is My Heart?

“How is it that ye are so hard in your hearts, and so blind in your minds?” Nephi, the son of Lehi, asks this question of his older brothers Laman and Lemuel (1 Nephi 7:8). There are times in my life when I ask, “How hard is my heart?” This usually happens when I make mistakes and commit sin.

Before we commit a sin, we have somewhat hardened our hearts. We cannot sin without choosing to turn away from God. We therefore harden our hearts to Him. From experience, I also know that we have to turn away from the promptings of the Holy Ghost before we sin. Turning away from God, Christ, and the Holy Ghost hardens our hearts and keeps us from His grace.

In “Harden Not Your Heart“, Elder Christopher H. Kim relates that the “Korean translation of ‘hardness’ in the Book of Mormon is 완악 (Wan-Aak: 頑惡). This phrase uses the Chinese character “Wan” (頑), meaning ‘stubborn,’ and ‘Aak’ (惡), meaning ‘wicked.’” During my struggle with addiction, it wasn’t only being “wicked” that kept me addicted; it was also being “stubborn.” I didn’t want to yield to the Spirit. I didn’t want to do things God’s way. I wanted to do them my way. Over time, I learned that “my way” did not lead to peace and happiness. Only God’s way leads to peace. Only God’s way leads to comfort. Only God’s way leads to happiness and true joy.

There are multiple ways in which we harden our hearts. The most obvious is when we choose to sin. However, there are other ways we harden our hearts. When we misunderstand the words of our leaders and hold resentment against those words, we harden our hearts. When we judge others unrighteously, we harden our hearts.

Growing up, I felt I was targeted for abuse and bullying. I held a great burden without even knowing it. I resented those who teased me, treated me poorly, and those who I thought were my friends who did not stand with me when needed. My heart was hardened because of this resentment.

My resentment was evident in my actions towards everyone. One day, a coworker and friend finally opened my eyes to how hard my heart had gotten. I don’t remember the full context of what we were discussing. He finally had enough of me. He looked at me and said, “You know, not everyone is out to get you.” Ooof! That was a punch to the gut. I had to take stock of what I was doing. Even then, it took more than ten years for me to finally overcome the resentment that had built up and remove that hardness from my heart.

The featured image of this post shows that we can have a partially hardened heart. To me, if we do not completely turn away from God, our hearts only partially harden when we rebel. This means that our hearts are partially “soft” or turned towards God. We have the chance to soften those parts we have made hard.

Repentance is the great gift given to us, allowing our hearts to be softened. There are multiple steps to repentance including:

1. Admitting that we have done something wrong
2. Sincerely wanting to change
3. Going to God and repenting, asking for forgiveness, and the softening of our hearts
4. Seeking the cleansing power of repentance by living the commandments
5. Being humble, especially when something “irks” us
6. Trusting in God, knowing He wants us to succeed and abide by a Celestial Law (Think Celestial).

Softening our hearts and turning towards God leads to great blessings. Abiding by a Celestial Law means that we “are quickened by a portion of the celestial glory [and] then receive of the same, even a fulness” (Doctrine and Covenants 88:29).

We are told, “And again, verily I say unto you, that which is governed by law is also preserved by law and perfected and sanctified by the same” (Doctrine and Covenants 88:34). What a great promise this is! How many of us want to be preserved, perfected, and sanctified? Being governed by God’s law, we can receive a kingdom! Or as the Savior put it while in His mortal ministry, “In my Father’s house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you” (John 14:2).

Elder Kim concludes with these words, “Let us follow the example of our Savior, Jesus Christ, who followed the will of the Father. As we do so, the Lord has promised us, ‘For, behold, I will gather them as a hen gathereth her chickens under her wings, if they will not harden their hearts.’”

We can be gathered into the Savior’s protective arms if we will not harden our hearts. Even when we make mistakes and a portion of our hearts harden, we can repent and soften them back up. If hardening our hearts is turning away from God, softening our hearts is turning towards God. I work at this every day. I hope you will too.